A caterpillar goes around eating green leaves or everything it can and then it builds its chrysalis. I saw some of the most beautiful chrysalis; they were an emerald green color with a touch of silver on the edge. I just couldn’t get over how beautiful they were! For these last 6 months, that was what God was doing to my life, He was making a chrysalis for me. It was a time of healing and realization of just who and what I am.
I did the all the ‘right’ stuff looking for a teaching job. I did the web site, picked every job posting that I could and waited. Nothing happened; I did not receive phone calls for job interviews. I would find myself wondering, what am I doing wrong; why can’t I get a job? God whispered to me that in order for me to get a teaching job, I must forgive these two people who hurt me the most, and stop believing the lies that they said about me. It was so hard to do. I knew that I had to forgive, but just could not seem to do it. In Matthew 5:44 it states, “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” I started to pray for these two people, asking God to give them strength when needed, encouragement when they are down, and comfort when they are sad.
I told David one night that I would have to forgive in order to get a job. He said that he was going to be doing a sermon about forgiveness. If interested, you can listen to his sermons at www.faithum.com . It was a powerful sermon; I thought I had let go of the pain but I didn’t. I still had the butcher knife in my heart.
Then Marilyn gave me the book, "Sand in my eyes", by Christine Lemmon. It would take not being able to sleep for me to finally read this book. It was that Saturday morning for me to realize all my life I have always struggle with not knowing who I am. I have always been know as “one of the Bechtel (Beck - tell) girls’, David’s wife, the preacher’s wife, or mom. Don’t get me wrong, I have come to realize that it is a great honor to be known as the preacher’s wife, David’s wife, and mom. David is an honorable, wise, honest, handsome, caring, loving man and I am honored to be his wife. My girls are my pride and joy. But I really have not been known for who I am…and I really did not know who I am.
So God started to work on me through this book. Like the caterpillar building his chrysalis, I had and needed to take the time to discover who I am if God was going to work through me.
From Sand in my eyes, “ …whereas a woman has the liberty to constantly adjust who she is, how she thinks, behaves, reacts, what she learns, pursues, talks about, as well as who she wants to be in life. And if she finds she no longer likes parts of herself, she has the ability to change what it is she no longer likes.”